Only God knows

When I’ve problems or any burdens that going to crack and explode my head, the first person I talk to is my late elder brother. Sometimes I make a prank call to him just to make a joke. But, today without I realize I call him. Sometimes, I forgot that he leaved us a month ago. Lord call upon him, may his soul rest in peace.

It’s like that he stills around alive. But...When I realize, I’ve no more heard his voice over the phone to advise me, and babbling to me, only God knows much of my tears. Sometime I hate him because he likes to give an order to me, do this not to do that! But, in other way, I need him through all of this life.I love him and respect him for everything he done to our family. He carried all the responsibilities that our parents can't fulfill, even he sacrificed himself not to go to school but to find money to make other siblings successful in their academic.You said, ''education can make human a better person' and let to good life'.But you don't have an education, but still you are better person than me, than others sibling? You have a bless life also,i never know if you do anything bad just to earn money.Don't you know you're great brother? But why you're good person with good hearted leave us to early?

Even though we are part from each other, but never has he let me alone. Just sometimes I had given a lot of excuses when he asked me to back to my home town. It’s not excuses actually, but due to job duty, very limited time for me to visit him. The last day he calls me. Just to ask me to go back to my hometown. I don’t have any plan to go back on February, I said might be on March, waiting for the belacan season. His response was so strange. He said ‘wait till the day I’m dying?, because I knew I’m going to …so will you have a time to go back then? Such talking nonsense you my freak brother.

Not very soon, what he mentioned become a reality. Oh My God. Its so painful, and i can't believe.I just talk to him.It is the last words he said to me? He said he will be dying. Why? He accused himself? He knew his time will come? Or he knew God have a plan for him? Or am I take thing for granted?

I ask myself. Do we know when the possible day we will die? Today, tomorrow? Or now.

Life so precious. But some how family’s members quarrel over something like money, land and declare a war among each other. God, I really miss my brother.